My daughter is having a baby this week. She hopes. There is nothing like making it at long last to the end of nine months, waiting for the Big Day and not knowing which day is the big day. Is it today? Tomorrow? Five days from today? When? Will I ever get to see my toes again or bend over to put on my shoes? Will it ever end?
I find it fascinating how the aspects of being pregnant prepare a woman to be a mother. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. They happen without even being conscious of them. Patience is being taught. Here are three quick examples of what I mean.
1) Take walking, for instance. At the beginning you walk at your normal energetic pace. By the end of nine months your pace has slowed considerably. You are learning to slow down. You will need this adjustment. The baby is going to interrupt your hurry, time and again. This is a good thing. Slowing gives you a chance to enjoy and appreciate your surroundings.
2) Sleep. You go from living a healthy, robust, “burning the candle at both ends” lifestyle to sleep on demand. In the first few months you fall asleep at your desk at work, in the car, on a bus, in a movie, in conversation. Your need for sleep is gigantic. You can sleep anywhere, everywhere. And then, you can’t. The last 4 weeks your sleep is interrupted by your baby’s activity and pressure. Finding a comfortable position and sleeping for more than 3 hour intervals are real challenges. Call them preparation. You are in training: learning to sleep less, or sleep in spurts. These are necessary skills with a wee one.
3) Space. While you are happily creating space in your lives and in your home for your child, your body is creating space as well. Your psyche and your emotions are giving way to this new little intruder. By the end of nine months he’s crowding you nearly out of yourself! This is also a good thing. You’re going to need the patience to be selfless. It’s what’s so amazing about mothers. Trust me, you’re ready now. You will do well.
I am hoping you had a spectacular Thanksgiving surrounded by friends and family. If you hosted it you have leftovers! The best part of the day after Thanksgiving is the leftovers. If you were the guest, perhaps you were lucky enough to be sent home with some turkey and dressing in an aluminum foil packet. What that means is……today you don’t have to cook! Hooray! In fact, today you should just flat out take the day off.
In case you don’t know how to do that, it means, do nothing. Rest on the couch. Read to the children. Sit at the park. Relax. Do a puzzle. Take a nap. Watch a movie. Visit with your friends or family. Leave all thought of housework or work alone. This is the day to refresh and recover. And tomorrow, too if you can get away with it. You earned it. Enjoy it.
Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season. The next 4 weeks will fly by in a blur of holiday activities, shopping, parties, and maybe even travel. This may be the only unscheduled day in your calendar. So, just for today, take the day off.
Tomorrow is the big day. By now you probably have most, if not all, of the food on hand. You have a menu in mind. The plans are set. For the food. With a big family it’s an enormous production. Could you use some help?
You have probably noticed by now that wherever you go your children trail you. Some would say they are “under foot.” Our first tendency is to send everyone away and work alone. Don’t do that. More work for you, less holiday for them. This is a kitchen holiday. Three-quarters of it is spent in the kitchen. Yes, the prep is part of the good time, but only if you let it. The last quarter is spent at the table, and, if you’re lucky, flows over into games and fun afterwards.
Here’s how to make the holiday fun.
1. Get everyone into the kitchen at once. The more the merrier is really true. Have snacks on hand, you’ll be there a while.
2. Once there, put on some music everyone likes, or tell old stories, or make up turkey songs. You could also talk about games or activities for tomorrow afternoon, after the big dinner.
3. Put aprons or towels, or old shirts, or whatever on everyone, so that they can be messy. Food prep can be messy.
4. Tell them they are your crew, your sous chefs, your team. Your Turkey Team!
5. Depending on their ages, give them appropriate tasks, from the following list:
The relish tray. This is an easy job. Placing olives, celery sticks, pickles, carrots, whatever on a tray and covering it with plastic. It will keep a young child busy for quite some time, an older child can complete it in a snap.
The pie crusts. Not for the inexperienced, this job can be very time consuming depending on how big your pies are. I mean your eyes. As in “our eyes were bigger than our stomachs.”
Keep it simple.
The turkey. If you have a big tub (not in your bathroom, silly) in which to place the bird, I would recommend it. One of those big heavy plastic rubbermaid kinds of storage tubs would be perfect. And ice. You need to thaw it, but you also need it to not deteriorate. So, thawing it in ice water will achieve both. Our mothers used to set the turkey in the sink with cold water, but it’s just in the way in the sink. Give the turkey his own bathtub, and leave him all day and all night. Oh, and leave his wrapping on him.
Rolls. If you’re making them, the kids can help. They can beat up the dough, pound it, turn it, flour it. It’s so much fun for them. Then they can tear it into balls and roll it around in their hands and rub oil on them and place them in a pan, side by side. Doesn’t that sound like the kind of messy fun they so love? The dough will recover as it rises, so no worries. If you start early with this endeavor, it will save you time and become a valued tradition.
Decorations. Children have a ton of imagination. Keep ‘em busy with construction paper markers, glue and scissors. Have them draw pilgrims, or turkeys. No construction paper on hand? How about those brown paper sacks from the grocery store? They can trace their hands, or you can, on them and using their thumbs as the turkey’s head, and their fingers as his feathers, make respectable turkeys. Color, or paste feathers and draw some eyes and feet and go from there. Creativity is a wonderful thing.
The stuffing. Making a simple bread stuffing is easy as pie. No, it’s easier than pie. Cut up or tear up bread slices. Cut up celery. Melt butter. Add chicken broth and whatever else you like to it, and voila, stuffing! Cover it and stick it in the frig until tomorrow morning when you will stuff it unceremoniously into the bird. You’ll probably do it alone. It’s something I usually do while everyone’s still sleeping.
6. Clean up. Don’t forget about washing pots and bowls and counters. Kids like water, and standing at the sink is very often “fun” for them. If you’re smart, you’ll take advantage of that idea and get some help with the dishes. Don’t forget, these are teaching moments. Ask your husband to oversee this part. He knows how to do dishes, too.
Now, you have the biggest part of the prep in hand, you can go play, or sit and watch a movie, or take a nap. Tomorrow is the big day, and you will need your energy for the rest of the meal prep, the table setting, and the fun that follows.
This Thanksgiving which are you going to be–the hosts, or the company? Do you know which role you’re playing? Do you know how to play your role? Here are a few of my observations. I hope they will help.
When you’re the host:
1. You can make your job a whole lot easier if you are willing to ask for help. People love to bring something. Make it easy. Give them an assignment.
2. Give your guests a specific arrival, eating, and departure time. It’s always helpful to know what’s expected, and when the party will end.
3. Have a few ideas of what to do before and after the dinner. Appetizers were invented for hungry guests, and late in the day dinners. Games, or outdoor activities if your climate is good, are good alternatives to the TV footballers.
4. Treat your family and guests like company for this one grand occasion. Your children will be learning how to behave from your good example, and who better to practice on than family and friends?
5. Make it a special occasion by giving your best to it. Dress up a little, and dress your table up a little. A few simple decorations will brighten the occasion.
When you’re the company:
1. Rethink your responsibilities. You might think you have a free pass. All you have to do is show up. Nope, you’re wrong.
2. Offer to bring something, or help set up, or help clean up.
3. Be as entertaining as you can be. Bring a sense of fun or camaraderie with you.
4. Pay special attention to the children. They have been anticipating the “company.” Make your visit memorable for them as well.
5. Treat your hosts well. Leave off-topics and old grievances at home. A holiday should be a pleasant vacation from everyday worries.
6. Dress up for the occasion. Clean and presentable are always pleasant on the eye.
These are the same things you would do if you were going out to dinner, whether you are the host or the guest. I imagine it’s what our Mothers really meant when they told us to mind our manners.
Since Thanksgiving is a traditional occasion, I never gave any thought to the question of what we would be eating. Thanks to Norman Rockwell, I picture a dining room table surrounded by family members smiling expectantly at a beautiful roasted turkey glistening on its platter. There’s also mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, vegetables and salads, celery sticks and black olives for the children to use as finger puppets. (You never did that?) If you were really a traditionalist you also knew what vegetables and salads you were serving.
But that doesn’t always account for individual tastes. For instance, who’s idea was it to put that little dish of jellied cranberry on the table? I always buy a can, dutifully slide the cylindrical jelly into a pretty little crystal dish, set it on the table, and throw the majority of it out after the meal. Who eats it? One person out of 10, I think. Maybe this year I should buy a smaller can. It’s a funny tradition.
I once read of a man who could tell you where you lived within 100 miles by what you were serving for your Thanksgiving meal. And not only where you lived, but where you or your ancestors came from. How could that be? Well, apparently it’s in the accompanying food choices. Along the eastern seaboard you might be more likely to have some kind of seafood dish–oysters perhaps, or a seafood chowder appetizer. If you are from the Southern regions you might be more likely to have sweet potatoes or cornbread or a regional specialty. On the Pacific coast you might find crabcakes. The Southwestern diners may throw some salsa or avocado into the mix. And if your grandparents hailed from Norway, your table might have grandma’s lutefisk. And don’t even get me started on dessert.
It’s no surprise then that Thanksgiving is a cherished tradition. The food, as delicious as it is on its own, often has a second purpose. These favorite and familiar family recipes call up cherished memories of people and places we hold dear. We see our heritage in them.
Everywhere I go I hear people talking about their upcoming Thanksgiving plans. Most of those plans revolve around other family members, i.e. brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles, parents, cousins, children and grandchildren. (Did I leave anyone one out?) And food. Imagine Thanksgiving without food. Imagine all those people sitting at an empty table with barely enough food to sustain them. Imagine a meager harvest and empty places at the table. Times being hard made the early Colonists thankful to be alive and to have the harvest of their labor.
Our Founding Fathers followed their lead, making it a national day of thanks. In 1789 George Washington issued this statement regarding the purpose of the Thanksgiving holiday. He said it was “. . . to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the Beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country..”
This has been a hard year for many of us. the impact of the economic recession has been enormous. Layoffs, the high cost of living, reduced commerce, accumulated debt, and rising mortgages have troubled many people of late. In spite of this, we are grateful for much that is right in our lives. If we have supportive family around us, that is something to treasure indeed. If there is food in the pantry, we feel blessed. A roof over our heads and a bed to sleep in are enormous blessings. Perhaps we have more in common with the Pilgrims than we think.
I started off this blog as 10 Days to Turkey Day, thought better of it and crossed it out. It’s Thanksgiving. I so want to keep the thanks in it. Yes, I know a huge percentage of us have turkey that day. And maybe it’s the only day of the year we ever even eat turkey. That’s why it’s so easy to identify it as turkey day. But that just won’t do.
It’s certainly a holiday–one of the few–that requires nothing more from us than gathering together and eating. No gifts. No promise to change. No romantic involvements, and no fireworks. I can pretty well pull Thanksgiving out of the pantry. The only thing I’m not likely to find on hand is the poor turkey. Thanks to store specials and coupons I can acquire one at a reasonable cost.
What I was always grateful for on Thanksgiving was the help in the kitchen. The anticipation, the enthusiasm and the availability of good helpers is part of the holiday moment. Favorite likes, treasured recipes, fond memories come together at the table. I’m also grateful that there’s nothing of the drama of Christmas either. No unmet expectations. No returns. Everyone goes away “fat and happy.” I’m a huge success! I’m grateful for that too!
Is the weather getting colder where you live? It is here. I live in Northern Wyoming and every day has been a mystery. One day it’s 54 degrees, the next it’s 38. Frankly, I never know what to expect. So I take a jacket. Everywhere. It makes it so much easier to be prepared for the worst. I went to a friend’s house last Thursday at 10 a.m. It was–I admit–a bit cloudy. By 3:30 p.m. it was snowing. I didn’t expect it. But I have learned.
When I lived in California I never just took a jacket with me out of habit. I assessed. I went outside and estimated the chance of needing one. I’ll look ridiculous, I thought, lugging a jacket around. And what will Ido with it? I surely won’t need it. Then, out of the blue, it would rain. (That’s funny–it can’t really rain out of the blue. You do, after all, need clouds.) But that’s how it felt, and as a metaphor it does convey my surprise. And the next thing I knew I was sick. Oh, they say, you don’t get sick–you can’t catch a cold or a virus–from the weather. But that’s not what my Mother said. She told me without a jacket “you’ll catch your death of cold.”
So, just to be on the safe side, do what your Mother told you and take your jacket.
Have you heard that old expression? Children do a lot of listening, more than you might think. When they are babies there isn’t much else they can do–their speaking skills are certainly limited. Of course they still convey their feelings, often in ways we can barely abide. You know, crying, screaming, biting, throwing things, etc. You almost have to be a mind reader and learn their body language to anticipate their needs. Eventually they learn to read the signs around them. Your tone, your facial expressions, your hurry or lack of it. The talking you do to soothe them, to scold them, the explanations you give.
In all we have a good 3-4 years of talking we do without very much–I don’t want to say resistance–Heaven knows there is plenty of that! but rather–sharing in return. And even if you do have an early talker, much of what a 3 year old will say will begin with the word “why?” There are just so many things a 3 year old doesn’t know about the universe. He or she is just like a little sponge ready to soak up every last answer about every aspect of his or her world. These years are your prime instruction opportunity. You can shape your child in monumental ways.
Here are just a few ideas that come to mind that you can do. Feel free to add any you think of.
Talk about solutions, about how we can solve this problem and make it better.
Praise every small effort your child makes to please you, and succeed
Build others and speak kindly of them in your child’s presence
Demonstrate a caring attitude towards others who are in need
Model the process of forgiveness by saying I’m sorry
Praise the absent parent
Reassure your child when he is scared
Talk about the little things, every day things
I purposely left out the don’ts. We know what they are. I like focusing on the positives and figuring out concrete actions better, anyway. Eventually your child will have others to listen to–teachers, friends, coaches, siblings. Now is your best chance to instill great values and wonderful attributes. It’s not always easy, I admit. But most of the time you can do it. I love to watch Mothers. I see Mothers all the time who are patient beyond measure, who care deeply and openly. Your child pulls your best self out of you. Mothering is an extraordinary task. Bravo!
You know I received an email with good advice regarding the flu, and it struck me that in 2009 I was getting some of the same advice from the medical professionals that I got from my Mother. (The following excerpted quotes are from Dr. Vinay Goyal, an Intensivist and Thyroid specialist) It’s funny to me because now we actually have explanations for some of these age old cures. For instance:
1) Gargling with salt water is suggested to “prevent proliferation of the virus. Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you don’t trust salt). *H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. Don’t underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.” Oh, how I hated that salt water routine and thought my Mother was just torturing me. I used to pretend to gargle with it to stay out of trouble. That is, until my older sister caught me emptying the glass down the drain.
2) Drinking lots of hot liquids is recommended. “ Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. Gargling washes off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.” My mother handed me hot lemonade, hot tea, or hot broth, depending upon the illness. I handed my children hot cider when they refused the lemonade and tea. I thought it was just to keep us warm and our sinuses open.
3) Washing your hands frequently is recommended–and I’ve heard it suggested that you do it to the tune of tune of Happy Birthday to You, or the ABC song. No short rinsing will do to rid us of the germs and contagion around us. We were always washing our hands it seemed. And showing them to our Mothers, for inspection. I just thought she was a clean freak.
4) “Blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.” Remember your Mother holding a tissue over your nose and insisting that you blow your nose? Oh, that was nasty business!
5) “Eat foods that are rich in Vitamin C to boost your natural immunity.” All those oranges and orange juice had a purpose! My Dad used to take an orange and cut a quarter sized circle of the peel off and hand it to me to suck on. I thought he was just keeping me busy. It takes a long time to finish off an orange that way.
