My daughter is having a baby this week. She hopes. There is nothing like making it at long last to the end of nine months, waiting for the Big Day and not knowing which day is the big day. Is it today? Tomorrow? Five days from today? When? Will I ever get to see my toes again or bend over to put on my shoes? Will it ever end?
I find it fascinating how the aspects of being pregnant prepare a woman to be a mother. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. They happen without even being conscious of them. Patience is being taught. Here are three quick examples of what I mean.
1) Take walking, for instance. At the beginning you walk at your normal energetic pace. By the end of nine months your pace has slowed considerably. You are learning to slow down. You will need this adjustment. The baby is going to interrupt your hurry, time and again. This is a good thing. Slowing gives you a chance to enjoy and appreciate your surroundings.
2) Sleep. You go from living a healthy, robust, “burning the candle at both ends” lifestyle to sleep on demand. In the first few months you fall asleep at your desk at work, in the car, on a bus, in a movie, in conversation. Your need for sleep is gigantic. You can sleep anywhere, everywhere. And then, you can’t. The last 4 weeks your sleep is interrupted by your baby’s activity and pressure. Finding a comfortable position and sleeping for more than 3 hour intervals are real challenges. Call them preparation. You are in training: learning to sleep less, or sleep in spurts. These are necessary skills with a wee one.
3) Space. While you are happily creating space in your lives and in your home for your child, your body is creating space as well. Your psyche and your emotions are giving way to this new little intruder. By the end of nine months he’s crowding you nearly out of yourself! This is also a good thing. You’re going to need the patience to be selfless. It’s what’s so amazing about mothers. Trust me, you’re ready now. You will do well.
Tomorrow is the big day. By now you probably have most, if not all, of the food on hand. You have a menu in mind. The plans are set. For the food. With a big family it’s an enormous production. Could you use some help?
You have probably noticed by now that wherever you go your children trail you. Some would say they are “under foot.” Our first tendency is to send everyone away and work alone. Don’t do that. More work for you, less holiday for them. This is a kitchen holiday. Three-quarters of it is spent in the kitchen. Yes, the prep is part of the good time, but only if you let it. The last quarter is spent at the table, and, if you’re lucky, flows over into games and fun afterwards.
Here’s how to make the holiday fun.
1. Get everyone into the kitchen at once. The more the merrier is really true. Have snacks on hand, you’ll be there a while.
2. Once there, put on some music everyone likes, or tell old stories, or make up turkey songs. You could also talk about games or activities for tomorrow afternoon, after the big dinner.
3. Put aprons or towels, or old shirts, or whatever on everyone, so that they can be messy. Food prep can be messy.
4. Tell them they are your crew, your sous chefs, your team. Your Turkey Team!
5. Depending on their ages, give them appropriate tasks, from the following list:
The relish tray. This is an easy job. Placing olives, celery sticks, pickles, carrots, whatever on a tray and covering it with plastic. It will keep a young child busy for quite some time, an older child can complete it in a snap.
The pie crusts. Not for the inexperienced, this job can be very time consuming depending on how big your pies are. I mean your eyes. As in “our eyes were bigger than our stomachs.”
Keep it simple.
The turkey. If you have a big tub (not in your bathroom, silly) in which to place the bird, I would recommend it. One of those big heavy plastic rubbermaid kinds of storage tubs would be perfect. And ice. You need to thaw it, but you also need it to not deteriorate. So, thawing it in ice water will achieve both. Our mothers used to set the turkey in the sink with cold water, but it’s just in the way in the sink. Give the turkey his own bathtub, and leave him all day and all night. Oh, and leave his wrapping on him.
Rolls. If you’re making them, the kids can help. They can beat up the dough, pound it, turn it, flour it. It’s so much fun for them. Then they can tear it into balls and roll it around in their hands and rub oil on them and place them in a pan, side by side. Doesn’t that sound like the kind of messy fun they so love? The dough will recover as it rises, so no worries. If you start early with this endeavor, it will save you time and become a valued tradition.
Decorations. Children have a ton of imagination. Keep ‘em busy with construction paper markers, glue and scissors. Have them draw pilgrims, or turkeys. No construction paper on hand? How about those brown paper sacks from the grocery store? They can trace their hands, or you can, on them and using their thumbs as the turkey’s head, and their fingers as his feathers, make respectable turkeys. Color, or paste feathers and draw some eyes and feet and go from there. Creativity is a wonderful thing.
The stuffing. Making a simple bread stuffing is easy as pie. No, it’s easier than pie. Cut up or tear up bread slices. Cut up celery. Melt butter. Add chicken broth and whatever else you like to it, and voila, stuffing! Cover it and stick it in the frig until tomorrow morning when you will stuff it unceremoniously into the bird. You’ll probably do it alone. It’s something I usually do while everyone’s still sleeping.
6. Clean up. Don’t forget about washing pots and bowls and counters. Kids like water, and standing at the sink is very often “fun” for them. If you’re smart, you’ll take advantage of that idea and get some help with the dishes. Don’t forget, these are teaching moments. Ask your husband to oversee this part. He knows how to do dishes, too.
Now, you have the biggest part of the prep in hand, you can go play, or sit and watch a movie, or take a nap. Tomorrow is the big day, and you will need your energy for the rest of the meal prep, the table setting, and the fun that follows.
Have you heard that old expression? Children do a lot of listening, more than you might think. When they are babies there isn’t much else they can do–their speaking skills are certainly limited. Of course they still convey their feelings, often in ways we can barely abide. You know, crying, screaming, biting, throwing things, etc. You almost have to be a mind reader and learn their body language to anticipate their needs. Eventually they learn to read the signs around them. Your tone, your facial expressions, your hurry or lack of it. The talking you do to soothe them, to scold them, the explanations you give.
In all we have a good 3-4 years of talking we do without very much–I don’t want to say resistance–Heaven knows there is plenty of that! but rather–sharing in return. And even if you do have an early talker, much of what a 3 year old will say will begin with the word “why?” There are just so many things a 3 year old doesn’t know about the universe. He or she is just like a little sponge ready to soak up every last answer about every aspect of his or her world. These years are your prime instruction opportunity. You can shape your child in monumental ways.
Here are just a few ideas that come to mind that you can do. Feel free to add any you think of.
Talk about solutions, about how we can solve this problem and make it better.
Praise every small effort your child makes to please you, and succeed
Build others and speak kindly of them in your child’s presence
Demonstrate a caring attitude towards others who are in need
Model the process of forgiveness by saying I’m sorry
Praise the absent parent
Reassure your child when he is scared
Talk about the little things, every day things
I purposely left out the don’ts. We know what they are. I like focusing on the positives and figuring out concrete actions better, anyway. Eventually your child will have others to listen to–teachers, friends, coaches, siblings. Now is your best chance to instill great values and wonderful attributes. It’s not always easy, I admit. But most of the time you can do it. I love to watch Mothers. I see Mothers all the time who are patient beyond measure, who care deeply and openly. Your child pulls your best self out of you. Mothering is an extraordinary task. Bravo!
